Category Archives: Grand Children

God’s secret Gift!

Courage – Found looking into the Mirror of Truth:

When I mention courage I must remind myself I was called to testify to the truth! Some want and seek to redefine truth to justify serious sin! Takes place on FB each and everyday!

In 2011 God gave me a vision and a call to testify to the Spiritual War unfolding in the world! Yes and this War is unfolding within the Catholic Church itself this very day!

In 2011 I myself was caught up in a mighty struggl that required deep reflection struggling to understand God message to me in a real life real time vision. I discovered the life of child within held the secret to interpret and understand simply because of my boyhood journey long ago!

Yes, way back when I already knew what I needed to know I just didn’t understand it in the proper Spiritual sense!

Ever since I have been asking the Lord daily! Discovered too my truck is my chapel where a candid dialogue takes place everywhere I go! Why me Lord! Heck I have no real power! I have no authority over but so very few! I am called to be only a servant! Hmmm? Maybe I don’t know what a servant is?

The same message jusat keeps on comes back – “Pick up your cross and come follow me says the Lord”. Again and again I ask – Where is it we are going Lord? Oh yea – That place – that place your Son was sent – no more sermons place! Oh my! Yes Lord I will follow!

In 2024 my journey continues looking for courage, leadership and grace from those appointed to lead me! Oh my – yes they are caught up in this Spiritual War as well!

Yes Yes – We have been and are in a mean spirited “Spiritual War”! Gosh, it has been unfolding in my life for at least 13 years and yes in the Church the Lord called me to serve!

Not so surprising I find myself held at “arms length” by leaders in my Church as though I am a leper! Why was Jesus rejected? “Rebuke” isn’t right out of scripture the method of the Lord to communicate Love when one strays into sin!

Silence is defining! Silence a sign of lack of courage to speak, a lack of courage to rebuke, a lack of courage to encourage or even ask “How are things going”? This is exactly what I have encountered for the last eight years!

Am I failing? Do I lack courage? What the heck should I do Lord? The inability to respond seems to wrap it’s arms around me! No doubt – I am not alone in this War! I call it the lack of courage to do the right thing! Rebuke me where I am in error or honor my Ordination! Clearly silence communicates Neither is the case! Neither positive or negative!

At times I wonder if I will have a single friend outside my family!

There is no doubt in my mind the good Lord called and sent me long ago into the fire of the modern battle long ago as in 1990. I could not have told anyone at that time! Today I know I was primarily the student – sent to be taught – sent so my spiritual ears could learn hear souls crying as real people were facing death! Yea me – I was simply powerless to do much except listen and encourage those suffering to look for meaning in the unfolding journey.

Let me assure the reader! The Lord was and is not done with me yet! In 2011 he sent me into prison to walk through a room full of young men! My eyes and ears trained many years ago told me something was seriously amiss among these young men! Here I am again Lord – a student again! Yes My eyes and ears are open to receive!

Darkest Night – Preparation for New Life

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December 25 the longest night. I put my homing pigeons together male and female with the knowledge this is the prerequisite to create the possibility of new life!

In ten (10) days eggs follow containing the necessary DNA for future champions! 17 or so days later the babies begin the work to peck to break out of the egg!

This pecking trigers Mom and dad to begin the process of developing pigeon milk in their crop. Yes preparation for the arrival of hungry hatching babies!

All this works like clock work according to God’s design!

Only man thinks man can replace God’s design with LBGTQ and gender choice. Yes real Moma’s begin developing human milk before a baby arrives! Truth – man is only creature – not God, yet man continues to imagine man can overcome and replace God’s design with selfie sin!

Walnuts:

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Ten or more years ago I planted Walnut Trees on a new 34 acre property my wife and I purchased. This week October 3, 2022 I stopped by the property for a look see. As I drove by the Walnut Trees I noticed some had green walnuts hanging in the branches. Upon further investigation I found numerous Walnuts had fallen to the ground. I began to pick them up one or two at a time. Before I knew I had a bucket full.

I took them home and on the way I began to reflect upon the walnuts hidden inside the husks. Some still green and others had already turned black. What to do? How does one recover the nut hidden inside the husk? After watching a video I ventured into trying to de-husk the walnuts.

Oh woe is me!! I filled the bucket with water, began to stir the walnuts in hope the husks would fall apart. No such luck! So next I tried using a spoon handle to extract the husks from the nuts. Those that had already tuned black peeled rather easily. Those that were still green no suck luck. Before I knew it I had soaked my hands in the raw walnut soup I had created. Oh Oh!! I pulled my hands out for a moment! My Oh My – my hands are black!!

Quickly to the sink with warm water and soap! No luck, no luck, no such luck! Next to my handy computer – search “how clean walnut stain from skin” I pray – yes I pray!!

Stain stain go away – black hands I pray! I began to reflect upon my youth when my dad took me to a large house near the street. It had a huge walnut tree near the street. It was in the fall. My dad showed me all the walnuts – multiples of walnuts covered the ground. I still remember, I was just a kid 7 or 8. My dad told me the walnuts could stain things but that memory hit me just a little late at 80 years old. Just a kid and I remember — Yikes I have black hands!

White Vinegar next, hydrogen peroxide next, vegetable oil next, warm water and soft scrub and brush! Lord have mercy the stain remains! I am a marked man and my wife will be home so very soon! Lord have mercy!

Ah sucks — Not going to be able to hide this stain!

Well! I surrendered! The good Lord had giving me a blessing to reflect upon – a stain that wouldn’t go away soon! What’s this all about Lord?

Nature and the Holy Spirit speak through the nature of a walnut! Yes I know how crazy “a Walnut”!! It has a hard husk to protect the growing nut inside as it grows and develops. Oh yes, as the walnut matures over time the walnut husk begins to turn black slowly and finally falls to the earth.

It lays patiently waiting for someone like me to find and pick it up – completely depending upon curiosity to investigate! Yes a hard husk to protect it as it matures and then begins to soften into a mush with a unique ability to stain one’s skin. Yet hidden inside a real treat – yes protected by the hard hard shell of the walnut as if to protect it’s heart!

The gift and treasure within in hiding! Nutrients with the potential to sustain life. Imagine two hard layers of protect the inner core – the heart of the Walnut. Given time the shell will soften and disintegrate back into the earth. To die and be transformed as nutrients so that future new life can be reborn again! And yes the gift to the taste buds – the walnut provides the needed nutrients to sustain there treasure of new life more abundant for those with eyes to see and mind willing to open to the potential hidden within a very hard husk!

A Sliver of Wood:

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God and Truth a Fire:

An encounter with God and Truth is to encounter fire! Prison is a place of confinement one can not escape the spiritual furnace that wraps it’s arms around a soul! Often the prisoners does all things possible to avoid the reality of the intensity of the furnace one can not escape!

Words so often are not adequate to describe the intensity of that fire! What people do often speaks more powerfully than words!

Unspoken Words:

A lifer walks into the room knowing full well his quilt is real yet the spirit of hope of possible new life fills his being. Another soul watches a grown man drop to his knees on the hard prison floor bowing his head low to the floor speaks volumes of the result of the intensity of spiritual fire that can consume a soul.

Just who is the teacher asks my soul?

Deny Yourself – Pick up Your Cross:

A grown man who chooses to deny himself the Eucharist stands in stark contrast to those who embrace self sin of pride while boldly announcing to the world they worship the spirit of self – rejecting God’s design in favor of shouting to the world they own the tree of knowledge in the Garden and can recreate themselves.

God’s Design for Physical Touch:

The need to be physically touched is ever so powerful! If positive touches are found wanting, negative touches are pursued! The lesson taught during the HIV/AIDS crises before anyone knew how the virus was passed! I could hear the voice of soul crying out from those facing

facing death!

Inside Prison Walls:

I stood as a witness then and today as a witness to that which so very few can see all the while observing the former celebrate scandalous sin the world of media celebrates.

I ask? Just which behavior communicates who is it that truly repents real sin as to those whose behavior and social media celebration of sin is broadcast to world! Unavoidable is the misleading leading of multitudes of selfie happiness seekers to imagine the destruction of healthy organs, the very soul and spirit of truth to be sacrificed on an altar of imagined self gratification. Who is leading others into prison bars of false truth where the great deceiver awaits them with open arms?

How to Open the Closed Door:

The one who gets down on their knees to the only God who can create, heal and save the broken soul opens the door to new life more abundant!

Am I walking Alone?

I witness both! Almost no one stands as a witness to a grown guilty older man bending his knees to the only power that can heal, cleans and forgive!

The Splinters Hidden in the Wooden Cross:

Hopes Home: Hope lives and can be found in the small slivers of wood found in a cross one chooses to pick up and carry as they follow the spirit of salvation.

Walking Dead:

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Funny title!!! But so true in many ways. To be specifically something with a title yet to be held at arms length! Kinda like having “BO” but you don’t know it! Yikes – I must stink!

An Encounter with the Walking Dead:

Sometimes words just get in the way! Another funny thing we can speech even more powerfully by what we do. Made many trips to Newnan, Georgia for example. Yikes – traveled to the bowels of Atlanta from 1990-2000 during the HIV/AIDS crises sitting among people who thought the disease was a death sentence. Uncomfortable is the word. The place one can hear the voice of the soul crying out! There I encountered people who thought they were the walking dead.

Imagine Jesus Christ the very first Walking Dead and then Jesus calling us to follow! Yep! He had but a single requirement – Oh man – pick up your cross and follow me! A Dead Man – the Living Bread who told us I have life because of the Father. Do you suppose He came so we might have New Life even when it seems clear we are held at arms length (rejected might be a better word) as though we have some sort of serious disease?

Yes He came to start a fire! To do this he became human like us! We can not separate Jesus from His mother Mary! Yep a woman – no man or male could replace.

Body, Blood, Soul all part of a mixture –> the Divine Plan of Salvation.

Jesus the Lamb! Do we know what a lamb is? A young sheep – a prime source to be sacrificed – food for the body — oh and Jesus slaughtered / sacrificed by human with souls! We bring our own broken nature every where we go! Where I ask do we take this broken spirit / soul that cries out to be transformed and healed? To who do we go?

Buried and Hidden Treasure:

Where oh where do we look to find this buried and hidden treasure? In a cross? In communion, unity, the Eucharistic Sacrifice! Come to me all you who hunger and thirst! Come to me all you who seek healing of Body, mind and soul!

Consider wax is heated until it melts! Then and only then can it be poured as melted wax and transformed into the Body of Christ! Yes the Church!

Discernment – wow – a word that requires transformation and understanding. Attitude, heart, spirit, broken all necessary to enter into communion – one body!

Women – Mother Church

Everything flows through Mary, the human whose “Yes” opened the door for God to enter into human flesh. Born to walk in this world! The die in this world!

And Yes to become the first Dead Man Walking and Talking!

I hope and pray – have faith and trust – yes this very Jesus has lead me on a journey of the walking dead!

Fight or Flight – Stress – Lessons from the Past:

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Routine Visit – Ha!

Routine visit to the Prison today! Haha on me! Did I tell you my prayer regarding my visits to prison often where I discover I am more a student than a teacher. And the normal prayer for me is this: “What do you have in mind for me today Lord”?

Start with Prayer – Heck the Whole thing is a Prayer:

Hope I don’t disappoint!!! Yep, I go to Mass, am entrusted with the Eucharist and quickly on my way via my (truck) chapel where I pray all the way! Not possible some say!!! Have ya ever ridden in my truck with me?

Mother Church:

Yes mam! I get to prison on time. Oh my the main gate scanner isn’t working! Rummage through my carry in clear see through pack is quickly completed.

Deeper and Deeper:

Walk through the next 5 locked gates and encounter two of my boys (haha on me they are inmates in for life)!! What the heck is going on? Met almost immediately met by the Chaplin – taken aside – not normal! Escorted out of the room and trying to ask questions as we walk fast! Holy Smokes – that room almost packed with inmates are – are – are – the Chaplin told me = they are ALL Lifers! Something new I have never encountered to date. Hmmm – you talken to me Lord?!

On to the next building – am told wait here while I check for a room! In library I see uniformed individuals sitting across from an inmate! Then Holy Smokes here come a bunch of lifers from the first room I passed headed straight into my space. How do I know? One of them is the first inmate I introduced you to last week who was the first encountered years ago when I first began. He comes and stands right next me.

Finally I begin to get the drift of what is taking place! Yep the Good Lord has something to remind me about today. Now my old friend! Yikes did I just write a lifer inmate if my old friend! Whew – another reminder – long ago I called – er – perhaps better said “SENT” to be taught by an unseen advocate – maybe I should call this spirit my tail gate defender who covers my back!

Have I lost you yet? My old friend tells me. I remind you he is standing there right at my side – he informs me he is waiting to be interviewed regarding his potential parole!

Life’s Roller Coaster Ride:

Have you ever been on a roller coaster! You know up up up the hill followed by oh my — my stomachs — am I gonna lose it’s contents as the roller coaster’s bottom falls accelerating downhill! Do you get the drift of the intensity of the moment? My old friend asks me to pray for him – he is sweating what words he need to use????? The the silent “HELP” is heard!!!!!!!!! Lord Have Mercy! Intense – stress – I can’t run away – I can’t hide – I must hang tough! What do I say???

Flash back – here we go again! Maybe some of you have heard that the air traffic controllers job is one of the most stressful job that exists! Some experts have said so. I myself spent some serious time in the world’s busiest Air Traffic Facilities! I have watched unbelievable things happen to air traffic controllers in seconds. Don’t recall I ever told this you learn but don’t talk about! Here it is!

Smell It?

Haha you gonna have ta wait! Best I can do to replicate a roller coaster ride. Recently I heard a very high level Catholic clergyman state that Jesus called his disciples to be shepherds. Shepherd – not a word to be lightly understood! And to be an effective shepherd, one must spend some serious very close encounter quality time among the sheep – yes – so much so that the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep.

I sure hope this analogy works! Did you know the body of an air traffic controller develops stress related bad breath until eventually the body adapts to the pressure cooker! Yes I learned I know the smell of stress! Chicago O’Hare 1970’s. Unexpected flashback for an old man in May 2023. Yes that is just part of what the good Lord had in mind for me today!

Summary: Man that roller coaster ride can be gruesome as ones hopes, dreams and emotions wrap there arms around ones soul.

What do I do? Oh What do I do? – Suffering – Preparation in Hiding:

So what does one say??? You have been preparing for this day 35 + years. What’s most essential is your faith and trust in Jesus Christ and the Advocate! Breathe out and then when you breathe in – suck in the Holy Spirit hidden in the cross named hurry up and wait! You are more ready more than you know! Have faith and trust in the spirit planted within “in the beginning” knowing no matter that no matter the outcome your standing in the exactly the right check out lane!

Then I was lead to the furthest part of the prison where I have never been before! Waiting alone – waiting for what?

to be continued ……..

Arms Length – Smell of Sheep

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Shepherd: Flock: So close: Takes on Smell:

The term used by Jesus to describe the leaders of the church was a Shepherd! Hmmm! Food for thought!! If one studies (perhaps even better lives with) what a “real” shepherd does, one learns a Shepherd spends so much time with the sheep, the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep!

Seems to me that’s a lot of time among and exposure to real life human beings which has the potential to opening a doorway wide for the sheep to enter into the sacraments where the Shepherd seeks to lead the flock!

Take the Real Presence out into the Sheep’s grazing grounds:

Kinda the Shepherd’s task is to find ways to take the message, if you will the “real presence” out of the sacred place into the sheep’s grazing grounds!

Uncomfortable?

This might be a little -well maybe viewed as ohhh very uncomfortable for some Shepherd’s who might just encounter lost sheep including some who attend Mass every week!

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

Arms Length – neither a “Yes” or “No”:

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

This is not easy human reality! It’s just the reality of my journey! Arms length – neither a “yes” or a “no”! Rather it is fear to enter into a relationship – and results in being non decisive!

A Gift I didn’t ask for:

Seems to me the good Lord gave me a gift I wasn’t shopping for! Ten years with people suffering with HIV/AIDS fast forwarded facing the reality of death resulted in an immersion of myself into the world of sheep saying “I was born this way” – not understanding “in the beginning” they were exactly born this way – with “original sin” human natures in the beginning desire to define truth! Yes sin is still sin in spite of oh so many humans seeking to make real the original sin/unreality!

Kids – Puberty – Family – Anger – Do We have a Clue?:

Fast forward into the prison system and an encounter with 17 year old juveniles! Described not by me!!!! But by the veteran old timer incarcerated inmates! Just who qualified them?

Mad as hell with mom and dad is what they told me! How is it they can see it yet the modern world seeks selfie desire and silence truth! Throw away young people! Throw away the unborn! Throw away bodies based upon a facade! Throw away throw away all that does not meet the selfie agenda!

Suffering – the Message from the Cross:

Arms length – is my cross! Suffering is the hidden doorway behind which truth is found! Avoid suffering at all costs in favor of modern man’s dreaming, as catastrophe awaits!

Reminds me of these words!!! Turn around and come back to me! With whole heart, mind, soul and all your being = body!

Yep I will go to prison on Friday and if I some how smell different, forgive me! It is there I enter into the mystery and smell of the cost of faith and trust of the one who sent me!

If you read this May God Bless you!

Anti Chhrist

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Artificial Intelligence – Yikes:

In reference to AI ( artificial intelligence ) it is built upon a non living platform using software code while using the logic of the human programmer!

As a young man I wrote software that is still being used in the national Air Traffic System of this nation. Always , the human Air Traffic Controller has the ability to make necessary adjustments.

The real reality is; AI by design will always have an embedded “Bias”! As such AI posses a great threat to any balanced discussion of human principles and values! AI as such is a simply a dumb non living pieces parts modern man calls a computer and as such a computer system can have no conscience!

The AI Question:

The question, humanity needs to be asking is simple! How far down this AI road is humanity willing to travel placing freedom in the hands of a non living device with no conscience?

People can change their mind during the process of an open debate! A computer can not! It is simply locked into the logic of the software running in a non living hardware that has no emotions, feelings, free will or any other God created eyes and ears to read and see the unspoken language only one with life, breath and soul can! Man is created in the image of God! Machine is non living!

Oh Oh – We are There — Government / Political Use of AI:

When our government officials tell us they will use AI to eliminate bias we know we have embarked upon the most dangerous of journey’s! And they are today!

I was created for this day! So we’re you! Who will you serve? God or Man or a non living machine?

An Anti-Christ – with no Soul, no Conscience, no Eyes or Ears:

The Anti Christ’s description in scripture as if it is some form of a “multiple person” entity – not an individual! Computer programs are created and modified by multiples of various people over time who may never have experienced a joint discussion of the logic or purpose or followed up with sufficient testing to verify the system works as the designer thought!

The Programmer – human – fallible:

The above short description is what I encountered when I first began testing the software I wrote! I actually got mad at the computer for not doing exactly what my design concept was! The human = me – made the mistake! The computer did exactly what I programmed!

Fast forward – really real – with multiple layers of human programmers creating – who seldom if ever are able to enter into a discussion and debate!

By the nature of software creation and testing

“AI” will have an embedded multitube of layers of Bias!

Yes AI will have a bias! The trouble for mortal humans will be who can untangle the embedded multi person complex bias!

No One! Danger danger – the next God – the Anti- Christ! I was born for this day!

What Do You have in mind for me today Lord?

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No Room in the Inn ring a bell?

Went prison. Guard “No room for you today” Go see the Chaplin! Off I went. Followed Chaplin back to same location. Not much said! Few minutes and I had a room!

First inmate in is a young man who wants to become a Catholic. Tell him I want him to be able to write the Ten Commandments and the Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church.

Are You Ready?

His first comments are that he has been talking with older inmates and perhaps dues to my being an old man and a Deacon I might have a more clear answer. Are you ready? Well I was! Way back in the 1990’s I spent ten years listening to his plea during the HIV / AIDS crises!

Holy Smokes:

Ready?? I am attracted to men and I was BORN this way! How to answer raced my mind yet I realized just how valuable and deep probing was his acknowledgement. It verified a few things immediately. One who is unafraid to speak the Truth is not to be feared, but rather questioned in the search for the Spirit of Truth! Wow how refreshing this young man’s questions is! Obviously he did not immediately judge me to be homophobic or prejudice etc. Open I would say to the possibility that the Truth can set one free! Who said that?

to be continued ……

A Talking Tattoo:

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Friday Friday! Yep the day I go to prison. Yippie! On the way I pray! “Well Lord what do you have in mind for me today”?

Discipline: Can anyone see Discipline? Do you Love me enough?

Six Locked Doors – How many doors of your Heart are Locked?

Make it through six locked gates to my destination! Yep no place for me today! Long ago I learned to stand patiently and wait! And have learned long ago it is time set aside for me to be taught.

God’s Timing:

Has to be God’s timing! Door opens at the end of the hallway I am looking down. In marches white inmate with bold tattoos on his face! Arms behind his back handcuffed I am sure! On his right and left are guards each holding one of his arms.

The Command – Stand Up and Turn Your Back:

They sound a command and every inmate immediately stands and turns their backs to the inmate being lead to a unknown destination. Only myself and the guard next to me can watch.

Spiritual Bricks: Non Verbal Message:

I wish I could express the ton of spiritual bricks that hit me that instant. The inmate was stocky, looked strong, might actually be handsome if not for the tattoos which made him so hard to look at.

Contrast Jesus Message to His Brave Followers:

I was reminded Every time Jesus met walked into a room with His disciples His first words were “Do not be afraid” and “Peace be with you”.

The Purpose of the Tattoos: Yes Non Verbal Works:

You bet – those tattoos had a purpose -> “Fear”! Oh yes I see! Yet why was it, what I saw was the non verbal voice of a lost soul crying out! An angry lost soul and the tattoos served as non verbal voice of His imprisoned soul crying out from deep within! Oh not the same prison I was in! No no! The prison of deep wounds suffered ever so long long ago! A gang member! What the heck is a gang?

The Hidden Magnetic Unseen Force to be a Part of some Family:

When positive creative discipline is missing the question being asked is not answered (do you love me enough?) and the cycle accelerates down hill fast! Ultimately a substitute family will be sought out where any form of discipline will be acceptable! Finally somebody knows and cares I exist!

The Cross and Non Verbal Communications:

Hidden in the Cross lives Hope! Perhaps better said buried in the cross is the narrow gate where Hope can be found!

Come follow me says the Lord! Oh BTW pick up your cross! And just what does that require? Discipline = Love! Yea Dad I love you!