Category Archives: Spiritual Reflections

Reflections

Walnuts:

Ten or more years ago I planted Walnut Trees on a new 34 acre property my wife and I purchased. This week October 3, 2022 I stopped by the property for a look see. As I drove by the Walnut Trees I noticed some had green walnuts hanging in the branches. Upon further investigation I found numerous Walnuts had fallen to the ground. I began to pick them up one or two at a time. Before I knew I had a bucket full.

I took them home and on the way I began to reflect upon the walnuts hidden inside the husks. Some still green and others had already turned black. What to do? How does one recover the nut hidden inside the husk? After watching a video I ventured into trying to de-husk the walnuts.

Oh woe is me!! I filled the bucket with water, began to stir the walnuts in hope the husks would fall apart. No such luck! So next I tried using a spoon handle to extract the husks from the nuts. Those that had already tuned black peeled rather easily. Those that were still green no suck luck. Before I knew it I had soaked my hands in the raw walnut soup I had created. Oh Oh!! I pulled my hands out for a moment! My Oh My – my hands are black!!

Quickly to the sink with warm water and soap! No luck, no luck, no such luck! Next to my handy computer – search “how clean walnut stain from skin” I pray – yes I pray!!

Stain stain go away – black hands I pray! I began to reflect upon my youth when my dad took me to a large house near the street. It had a huge walnut tree near the street. It was in the fall. My dad showed me all the walnuts – multiples of walnuts covered the ground. I still remember, I was just a kid 7 or 8. My dad told me the walnuts could stain things but that memory hit me just a little late at 80 years old. Just a kid and I remember — Yikes I have black hands!

White Vinegar next, hydrogen peroxide next, vegetable oil next, warm water and soft scrub and brush! Lord have mercy the stain remains! I am a marked man and my wife will be home so very soon! Lord have mercy!

Ah sucks — Not going to be able to hide this stain!

Well! I surrendered! The good Lord had giving me a blessing to reflect upon – a stain that wouldn’t go away soon! What’s this all about Lord?

Nature and the Holy Spirit speak through the nature of a walnut! Yes I know how crazy “a Walnut”!! It has a hard husk to protect the growing nut inside as it grows and develops. Oh yes, as the walnut matures over time the walnut husk begins to turn black slowly and finally falls to the earth.

It lays patiently waiting for someone like me to find and pick it up – completely depending upon curiosity to investigate! Yes a hard husk to protect it as it matures and then begins to soften into a mush with a unique ability to stain one’s skin. Yet hidden inside a real treat – yes protected by the hard hard shell of the walnut as if to protect it’s heart!

The gift and treasure within in hiding! Nutrients with the potential to sustain life. Imagine two hard layers of protect the inner core – the heart of the Walnut. Given time the shell will soften and disintegrate back into the earth. To die and be transformed as nutrients so that future new life can be reborn again! And yes the gift to the taste buds – the walnut provides the needed nutrients to sustain there treasure of new life more abundant for those with eyes to see and mind willing to open to the potential hidden within a very hard husk!

The Dark Night: John of the Cross: Accent of Mt Carmel

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https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/ascent-of-mt-carmel-12494

At Heart ability to find Home / Unbelievable Escape Vision 5

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As the bird sped down toward the lake – No Way No Way my mind raced:

Unbelievable the bird made a last second maneuver. It skimmed the surface of the Lake and then pulled up into the air! Amazing! How’d the bird do that? What the hey! Oh yes, Oh yes, what I already knew was reveled. Yes, the bird has twelve tail feathers! The rudder that guides the bird allowing the bird to escape it’s enemies and yes death!

The Power of Twelve:

Twelve tail feathers – twelve disciples any chance – any chance at all? As a kid I already knew! Oh man – the good Lord gave me this vision to remind and teach me again!

The Heart of the Matter:

Did you know a racing pigeon / dove has a wattle of it’s nose? Yes it is in the shape of a Heart! The wattle is white in color the symbol of purity.

Scientists believe the Homing Pigeon uses this organ to orientate / mark it’s home location. Kinda a natural built in GPS Latitude / Longitude system. Created “in the beginning” so the bird can use this ability to find it’s way home regardless of direction taken.

Home – Where is Home?:

Far more is buried than meets the eye! Ancient man had to have recognized the birds instinctive love of Home / nest and it’s ability to return home time and again. An instinctive drive to always return home. Hence the bird acquired the name “Homing Pigeon”.

Spiritual Instincts Buried Within:

A homing pigeon knows it’s way home though it has never been away? Did you know a homing pigeon recognizes it’s enemy even though it has never seen the enemy before? True true true: I am a witness.

Eyes Like a Hawk:

One beautiful sunny day I opened the door to my loft to let the young pigeons out for the first time. Bright sun shiny day – perfect with just a little wind! The young birds where excited, nervous, fully alert and ready for the next adventure if Life! Anxious to get out and take look around to the larger world.

Seldom do young birds actually take off and fly around the first time out. It is usually just to check out the surrounding area from the roof top, happily flap, exercise and test those wings! Enough flapping to lift themselves up off the rook but not so much that they actually begin flying. The testing before the launch to improve the readiness level. A little scary for them perhaps – exciting and scary all at once!

Recognizes Enemy Yet has never seen the Enemy before:

To my surprise on this bright sun shining day Mr. Hawk flew by and to my surprise panic struck the nerves of these young inexperienced birds. Whoa – whoa there my mind raced! Oh man – too late off the loft they went as if in a panic had set in! Fortunately Mr. Hawk just flew by and paid not attention. After a few panic stricken circles my young birds began the best managed crash landing they could manage. Lord have mercy another unexpected lesson in the really real reality in the life of a pigeon / dove!

Finding ones Wat Home:

Amazing God’s design! Recognizes it’s enemy yet has never seem them. And the bird can find it’s way home yet has never been away from home! Creation – a Spiritual message by design – Finding ones Way Home! It speaks the spirit and heart of every human person.

Walking Dead:

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Funny title!!! But so true in many ways. To be specifically something with a title yet to be held at arms length! Kinda like having “BO” but you don’t know it! Yikes – I must stink!

An Encounter with the Walking Dead:

Sometimes words just get in the way! Another funny thing we can speech even more powerfully by what we do. Made many trips to Newnan, Georgia for example. Yikes – traveled to the bowels of Atlanta from 1990-2000 during the HIV/AIDS crises sitting among people who thought the disease was a death sentence. Uncomfortable is the word. The place one can hear the voice of the soul crying out! There I encountered people who thought they were the walking dead.

Imagine Jesus Christ the very first Walking Dead and then Jesus calling us to follow! Yep! He had but a single requirement – Oh man – pick up your cross and follow me! A Dead Man – the Living Bread who told us I have life because of the Father. Do you suppose He came so we might have New Life even when it seems clear we are held at arms length (rejected might be a better word) as though we have some sort of serious disease?

Yes He came to start a fire! To do this he became human like us! We can not separate Jesus from His mother Mary! Yep a woman – no man or male could replace.

Body, Blood, Soul all part of a mixture –> the Divine Plan of Salvation.

Jesus the Lamb! Do we know what a lamb is? A young sheep – a prime source to be sacrificed – food for the body — oh and Jesus slaughtered / sacrificed by human with souls! We bring our own broken nature every where we go! Where I ask do we take this broken spirit / soul that cries out to be transformed and healed? To who do we go?

Buried and Hidden Treasure:

Where oh where do we look to find this buried and hidden treasure? In a cross? In communion, unity, the Eucharistic Sacrifice! Come to me all you who hunger and thirst! Come to me all you who seek healing of Body, mind and soul!

Consider wax is heated until it melts! Then and only then can it be poured as melted wax and transformed into the Body of Christ! Yes the Church!

Discernment – wow – a word that requires transformation and understanding. Attitude, heart, spirit, broken all necessary to enter into communion – one body!

Women – Mother Church

Everything flows through Mary, the human whose “Yes” opened the door for God to enter into human flesh. Born to walk in this world! The die in this world!

And Yes to become the first Dead Man Walking and Talking!

I hope and pray – have faith and trust – yes this very Jesus has lead me on a journey of the walking dead!

Fight or Flight – Stress – Lessons from the Past:

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Routine Visit – Ha!

Routine visit to the Prison today! Haha on me! Did I tell you my prayer regarding my visits to prison often where I discover I am more a student than a teacher. And the normal prayer for me is this: “What do you have in mind for me today Lord”?

Start with Prayer – Heck the Whole thing is a Prayer:

Hope I don’t disappoint!!! Yep, I go to Mass, am entrusted with the Eucharist and quickly on my way via my (truck) chapel where I pray all the way! Not possible some say!!! Have ya ever ridden in my truck with me?

Mother Church:

Yes mam! I get to prison on time. Oh my the main gate scanner isn’t working! Rummage through my carry in clear see through pack is quickly completed.

Deeper and Deeper:

Walk through the next 5 locked gates and encounter two of my boys (haha on me they are inmates in for life)!! What the heck is going on? Met almost immediately met by the Chaplin – taken aside – not normal! Escorted out of the room and trying to ask questions as we walk fast! Holy Smokes – that room almost packed with inmates are – are – are – the Chaplin told me = they are ALL Lifers! Something new I have never encountered to date. Hmmm – you talken to me Lord?!

On to the next building – am told wait here while I check for a room! In library I see uniformed individuals sitting across from an inmate! Then Holy Smokes here come a bunch of lifers from the first room I passed headed straight into my space. How do I know? One of them is the first inmate I introduced you to last week who was the first encountered years ago when I first began. He comes and stands right next me.

Finally I begin to get the drift of what is taking place! Yep the Good Lord has something to remind me about today. Now my old friend! Yikes did I just write a lifer inmate if my old friend! Whew – another reminder – long ago I called – er – perhaps better said “SENT” to be taught by an unseen advocate – maybe I should call this spirit my tail gate defender who covers my back!

Have I lost you yet? My old friend tells me. I remind you he is standing there right at my side – he informs me he is waiting to be interviewed regarding his potential parole!

Life’s Roller Coaster Ride:

Have you ever been on a roller coaster! You know up up up the hill followed by oh my — my stomachs — am I gonna lose it’s contents as the roller coaster’s bottom falls accelerating downhill! Do you get the drift of the intensity of the moment? My old friend asks me to pray for him – he is sweating what words he need to use????? The the silent “HELP” is heard!!!!!!!!! Lord Have Mercy! Intense – stress – I can’t run away – I can’t hide – I must hang tough! What do I say???

Flash back – here we go again! Maybe some of you have heard that the air traffic controllers job is one of the most stressful job that exists! Some experts have said so. I myself spent some serious time in the world’s busiest Air Traffic Facilities! I have watched unbelievable things happen to air traffic controllers in seconds. Don’t recall I ever told this you learn but don’t talk about! Here it is!

Smell It?

Haha you gonna have ta wait! Best I can do to replicate a roller coaster ride. Recently I heard a very high level Catholic clergyman state that Jesus called his disciples to be shepherds. Shepherd – not a word to be lightly understood! And to be an effective shepherd, one must spend some serious very close encounter quality time among the sheep – yes – so much so that the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep.

I sure hope this analogy works! Did you know the body of an air traffic controller develops stress related bad breath until eventually the body adapts to the pressure cooker! Yes I learned I know the smell of stress! Chicago O’Hare 1970’s. Unexpected flashback for an old man in May 2023. Yes that is just part of what the good Lord had in mind for me today!

Summary: Man that roller coaster ride can be gruesome as ones hopes, dreams and emotions wrap there arms around ones soul.

What do I do? Oh What do I do? – Suffering – Preparation in Hiding:

So what does one say??? You have been preparing for this day 35 + years. What’s most essential is your faith and trust in Jesus Christ and the Advocate! Breathe out and then when you breathe in – suck in the Holy Spirit hidden in the cross named hurry up and wait! You are more ready more than you know! Have faith and trust in the spirit planted within “in the beginning” knowing no matter that no matter the outcome your standing in the exactly the right check out lane!

Then I was lead to the furthest part of the prison where I have never been before! Waiting alone – waiting for what?

to be continued ……..

Senior Lifer Inmate Returns

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The Spiritual Set Up:

The past week I have been fretting about just what I should do regarding natural human conflict between two inmates who attend my Catholic Service.

Funny and Not Very Funny:

Can we laugh at ourselves and just how human were set up? Funny but not so funny – one became upset with the other for engaging in a protracted debate / challenging my core perspective regarding Faith, Trust and Hope founded upon my religious belief in God, scripture and the Catholic perspective on Truth.

What Going On and On and On will Do!:

It was an argument, debate, long winded discussion some might find difficult to endure. Well fact was on inmate stood up without saying a word and walked out. This inmate did not return.

Time for a Deep Dive:

This particular incident caused my soul to search first for why the two inmates both felt strongly about the perspectives they held. Further I wanted to know what I could or should have done to handle this situation better?

“Artificial Intelligence”

The good news for me was, I was able to listen without overly interrupting the inmate making a point about Artificial Intelligence and how repeatedly in the past human kind has been able to imagine concepts not possible at the time, yet over time became a reality. Technology, cell phones, flight, outer space travel, electricity, medical advances, etc. etc. Yes things that must have been considered at one point in history as impossible yet today we know conclusively those imagined possibilities are really real.

Why not AIT? What’s so different?

Fundamental Truth? AI is a machine not human and does not have a soul or real feelings or emotions! It is simply a non living – electronic computer technology completely dependent up some flawed human being creating the hardware and software that can emulate ever so many human capabilities. AI has an advantage over a single human being for it can access data and be programmed by multiples of human being with a multiplicity of human values programmed into a non living highly sophisticated embedded complex outcomes which over time will become more and more difficult to test the predicted outcome!

The Other Inmate had had enough – Body Language in Action:

Question is? What is our tolerance capability and can we hear the spiritual question being asked hidden within a challenging debate?

The on and on debate Question hides the spiritual question! – Do our spiritual eyes and ears work?

As the dialogue went on as happens in time – how does one test such a machine and what standard will be used to measure the future outcomes / truth of results of AI? The machine will not have a soul nor a conscientious – rather a growing multiplicity of human and perhaps other machine software programmers who may never ever to speak to one another about the purpose and validation of outputs!

Fast Back to the “In the Very Beginning”:

Will mankind treat such a machine as a God? The temptation will be real as “In the beginning”! Will the reality of human kinds original sin be factored in? Ah ha! The Ten Commandments! Ah ha humankind’s nature to fall into temptation / desire to take ownership of the original “Tree of Knowledge” in the Garden.

A leap forward and simultaneously a leap backward to “in the beginning” – temptation!

Have I confused anyone yet?

Hey I know this is incomplete but I gotta take a break!

to be continued ………….

Suffering:

Suffering:

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Suffering:

What is the purpose of Suffering?? Many say Jesus suffering and death was payment for the sins of humanity necessary to open the door of salvation for sinners so human’s can gain access to heaven! This statement is true while also being incomplete!

Jesus himself called all of us to come follow me adding pick up your cross! Another way to say join our suffering to that of His sacrifice! Now that is a mouthful! Buried in His crucifixion is Hid non verbal message! Join your suffering to mine as testimony that others might be lead to the gate.

An intensified Search:

From my own experience of suffering I found the intensity of my search for meaning and understanding was magnified exponentially! This trip through the valley of tears was necessary to open my spiritual eyes and ears to begin to see spiritual reality! You were born for this day!

The Human Condition – God’s Design:

It is a prerequisite that our human condition the only potential doorway to connect oneself with the image and spirit of God within is real suffering! It is the place one can begin to find oneself, the purpose of their being and to begin to hear the call to find themselves and the purpose for which they were created!

Modern Man Thinks himself Smarter:

We are living in the modern era that could be defined as the “selfie” generation! I can be whatever I want to be and define myself rather recreate myself into any living entity I desire! Humans seek what the worldly images of “happiness” is as the primary emotional, imaginary and single focused source of being! The Spirit of the soul and the body become separated from the whole of truth. Science and biological truth are sacrificed at the altar of the newest religion!

A New Religion:

This new religion is leading the world rapidly down the road where “suffering” will become the only doorway – one can encounter the “narrow gate” Jesus spoke about as He hung on the cross!

Are you ready? Can you see it is on the near horizon and accelerating each day!

Hope:

There is however Hope! In Christ’s own words! “Come back to me – Turn around – with your whole mind, emotions, feelings, spirit, soul, mind and yes your body”!

This is Mable’s message to Chris and anyone with ears to hear!

30 + Years versus One soon to be Paroled:

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Went to prison yesterday. Normal entry and normal delay for inmates to come! Food for thought! Almost every week a delay! And just why do I persist?

Oh, something about I am the student – sent to proclaim the Good News and to listen to the spirit’s voice hidden is the message spoken and unspoken by men incarcerated.

Oh Oh – I am the Student!!:

One inmate has been in prison 30 plus years. Lots of time to think! He admits guilt in murder of another human being. He regrets the impact of his frustration that lead to his crime! Essentially a spear he could not see coming penetrated his spirit when his son committed suicide as a older teenager.

Perspective of Hope – Stubbornness of the Spirit:

Can you imagine 30 + years to reflect upon and study the teachings of the Catholic Church. Simultaneously, ones human nature that landed him in prison clings to oneself and continues to cause him to challenge again and again truth no matter who! Just happened to be me today! Yes my each expressed thought! Can any one make the leap to understand this same challenge plays out time and again within the prison when I am not present with other inmates?

A Pain – a Pain! Get over yourself!:

So it was this day my question “how has it been going” lead to a conversation where seemingly every thought I expressed was challenged. Could it be 30 years ever so little hope exists “of ever being set free” was driving the conversation? A conversation that was upsetting to another inmate who recently received news “parole for multiple inmates was on the near horizon”. I ask myself? Are my ears working? Am I off track? New Hope came face to face with Hope frustrated! Unspoken language speaks through body movement! Absolutely no doubt – for sure something obviously had been triggered.

Oh Lord has my willingness to take the RISK to let people Speak an Error?

Was the difference I observed this day between the two inmates a spiritual attitude toward the hope of parole intensified by my willingness to take such a risk? Did I observe the natural long existing conflict – yet not fully understood by either – between the inmates – seemingly obviously due to a long interaction between the two men. A mouth full!

There I sat – the enabler: Guilty!

There I was essentially sitting in the middle enabling a discussion challenging my perspective of the future of Artificial Intelligence (AI) . Yes I was being challenged to defend myself at every turn in regard to inanimate object (AI’s home) – a non-human machines ability to replicate and exceed a humans ability to reason.

A machine no matter how sophisticated does not have a soul – nor was it created in the image of God with free will!

The unspoken word speaks clearly! Evidence – the inmate – a short timer – in his mind could not tolerate the lifer’s attitude in regard to his insistence to challenge my perspective

Sometimes the soul speaks through ones feet! Yes the short-timer got up and walked out!

Wonder why I am writing this?

Did I tell you – in this ministry to prisoners – I have discovered the Spirit of the One who called me, reversed my role making me the student and teacher so I might travel through the valley that leads one to begin to better understand God’s complicated design of the nature of the Human person – where the soul can not escape the body!

Fact — This is not easy reality to digest and discern the truth. Is it perhaps the valley one must pass through where the search for wisdom leads both teacher and student?

And where do I find a Human I can talk to who will not get up and leave?

Arms Length – Smell of Sheep

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Shepherd: Flock: So close: Takes on Smell:

The term used by Jesus to describe the leaders of the church was a Shepherd! Hmmm! Food for thought!! If one studies (perhaps even better lives with) what a “real” shepherd does, one learns a Shepherd spends so much time with the sheep, the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep!

Seems to me that’s a lot of time among and exposure to real life human beings which has the potential to opening a doorway wide for the sheep to enter into the sacraments where the Shepherd seeks to lead the flock!

Take the Real Presence out into the Sheep’s grazing grounds:

Kinda the Shepherd’s task is to find ways to take the message, if you will the “real presence” out of the sacred place into the sheep’s grazing grounds!

Uncomfortable?

This might be a little -well maybe viewed as ohhh very uncomfortable for some Shepherd’s who might just encounter lost sheep including some who attend Mass every week!

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

Arms Length – neither a “Yes” or “No”:

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

This is not easy human reality! It’s just the reality of my journey! Arms length – neither a “yes” or a “no”! Rather it is fear to enter into a relationship – and results in being non decisive!

A Gift I didn’t ask for:

Seems to me the good Lord gave me a gift I wasn’t shopping for! Ten years with people suffering with HIV/AIDS fast forwarded facing the reality of death resulted in an immersion of myself into the world of sheep saying “I was born this way” – not understanding “in the beginning” they were exactly born this way – with “original sin” human natures in the beginning desire to define truth! Yes sin is still sin in spite of oh so many humans seeking to make real the original sin/unreality!

Kids – Puberty – Family – Anger – Do We have a Clue?:

Fast forward into the prison system and an encounter with 17 year old juveniles! Described not by me!!!! But by the veteran old timer incarcerated inmates! Just who qualified them?

Mad as hell with mom and dad is what they told me! How is it they can see it yet the modern world seeks selfie desire and silence truth! Throw away young people! Throw away the unborn! Throw away bodies based upon a facade! Throw away throw away all that does not meet the selfie agenda!

Suffering – the Message from the Cross:

Arms length – is my cross! Suffering is the hidden doorway behind which truth is found! Avoid suffering at all costs in favor of modern man’s dreaming, as catastrophe awaits!

Reminds me of these words!!! Turn around and come back to me! With whole heart, mind, soul and all your being = body!

Yep I will go to prison on Friday and if I some how smell different, forgive me! It is there I enter into the mystery and smell of the cost of faith and trust of the one who sent me!

If you read this May God Bless you!

To Molly

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Hey Molly. “Moefrancis” Pretty much I have oh so little of an idea of who you are or what you dream of. It’s not an accident that happened.

My wife and I came to the hospital the day you were born. While I was there I called my son, your dad’s brother Todd, so he and his wife would know you were born. I hoped they would have chance to come as well. Think I can conclude in 2023 that didn’t go over so well reflecting back. Not at all sure why but history tells a story one cannot deny!

Christmas Visit – Where is Molly:

My wife and I came to your house at Christmas when you were a baby – I guess you were about nine months old. Your mother was upstairs with you. Your dad told us you were sick, Your mother never came down to visit with us that day. Never encountered anything like that before.

High Chair Girl:

My wife and I came to your house again, you were in a high chair ( maybe you were around two years old) at the supper table. Pretty darn sparse visits I would say! Have no idea what you might have thought or were told about that day??

Gosh, I am going to have to reflect some on that visit. My best recollection is it wasn’t a smooth visit like when people sit down and visit because they are happy to see each other. Not necessarily unwelcome but not welcome either.

Pretty much that’s it! So I guess you are now 18 years old and about to graduate from High School. My wife and I have received any notice or invitation in regard to your graduation. Based upon the past many years that is disappointing but nor a surprise.

So Why Persist?:

So, why the heck am I writing this post?? Guess I never stopped thinking of you and wondered how one day I might be able to communicate with you?

Fast Forward 2023:

At the moment this is best I can do! I confess I admit years of sustained failure! Visited your house 3 time in 2023! No joy! No success. No one came to the door but I did hear dogs bark. I have no idea how you would know this? I can only hope you might believe me!

My Grand Father – My Name:

When I was a kid my mother’s dad – my grandpa lived with us for around six years. He was moved from one of his kids homes to another, mostly to my house. The reason was he had had a stroke. He could find his way around town to where he wanted to go. He just couldn’t always find his way back home. He almost didn’t talk to me during those years even though my mother told me I was his favorite. I was named after him “Tilton Cheney” – “TC”.

My Grand Fathers Death:

When I was 13, my mother told me he was going to die that night. I still remember sitting at the bottom of the steps in our / his old house. Somehow he made it through that night. The next day my folks took me to see him at a nursing home. They went into his room first and had me stay outside! Guess they wanted to make sure it was OK for me to go in. Soon my mom came and got me into the room. My grandpa was in bed! What took my breath away was he began to talk to me like nothing had ever happened to him! He told me he was going to take me hunting and fishing – things he loved to do. My throat got tied up in a knot and I couldn’t speak.

More Worried about me than Death itself:

Later after we left and even to this day, I think my grandpa was far more worried about me than he was about death. I think he knew he was going to die soon. He rallied himself to talk to me in a genuine effort to make me feel at ease and to not be afraid. He was think more about me than he was himself. Yes he died later that night.

Why do I write:?

So why do I write this? When I was a kid there was no way for me to understand what my grand father had been through or understand how much he loved me! Just no way! Now I am 80 and only now can I begin to understand the cost of lost time when one has little control over the circumstances in play.

Wonderment!:

Would one day love to talk to you! Perhaps I will never get such a chance! One does not always have control over the opening or closing of the doorway where real relationships are formed. Even human has issues and handicaps. I have mine and your mom and dad each have their own! Most often those handicaps can not be seen only encountered.

Just maybe you may recall the many phone calls I made to your house – never having anyone answer. Often leaving a message and never getting a call back. Making a trip every month after open heart surgery – knocking of the door – hearing kids inside cry – no one came to the door.

You were just a Kid:

Heck you were a little kid! Pretty sure eventually I communicated frustration at the welcoming recorded message that not a single time ever returned a call.

My prayer is somehow, you can learn from the mistakes made (mine and others) and not repeat any of them.

Wish things where different! But so far no Joy! But “Hope” lives! How do I know? I am writing you this post! Forgiveness is too often impossible! I ask you to forgive me and anyone else who assisted in this failure of becoming family!

May God Bless you, your mom, your dad, and your sister.