Category Archives: Humor

Humor

Great Sex — Contraception Birthcontrol can be subtractive

I can’t believe I wrote that header but I did and I am serious.

Remember God created them male and female.  Don’t forget the part when he said the two shall become one flesh.  And then don’t forget he also said  and it was good!

You know it’s funny how later you discover I realized I learned something powerful about sex when I was a boy but wasn’t able to put the dots together until now!  What you think you don’t know but actually you knew but you didn’t connect the dots.

Are you ready for this?  Maybe a better question is am I?

When I was a boy I lived near the west end of Town, the second largest Belgium settlement in the USA.  Many of the Belgium men raised and raced racing pigeons.  Some of them used a system called the “Widow Hood System” with their racing pigeons.

So what is that and what does that have to do with sex?

What those old Belgium – well they weren’t really old – I was just a kid and what did I know about sex?

Anyway, when the racing season would start in the spring – by the way February 14, – a familiar date wouldn’t you say?  That generally was the day the old Belgium’s would put the male and female (referred to as cocks and hens) pigeons together to begin raising youngsters for the coming year.  About the time the pair finished raising a pair of youngsters Old Bird Racing season would be about a month off.

Their timing was critical – exactly the point with sex!

Using the “Widowhood System, the cock birds and hens would be separated from each other into closed off sections.  The trick was to be sure they couldn’t see each but let me tell you they wanted them to be able to hear each other.  Isn’t the imagination a wonderful blessing!

Have I got you yet?

So what’s my point??

Contraceptive birth control interjects artificial methods of fooling the females body or even serving as a method of aborting any potential fetus.  We don’t always like to talk about how it really works, just don’t bother me with the details.

The truth is contraception changes behavior and nearly eliminates any discipline in regard to sexual activity.  You know any time any place a couple can agree on!

In the Widowhood system I am referring to too, taking advantage of how mother nature works is the secret used to intensify a natural response which requires some discipline.

Oh that awful word “Discipline”.  Yet if one were observant of nature one might begin to recognize mother natures provides discipline measures to all life.  Those creatures that align themselves with mother nature survive and those who do not are most likely to die.

When one aligns one behavior with mother nature she will provide rewards.

If you want an object lesson find an old homing pigeon fancier who uses the widowhood system and ask them to allow you to observe the birds when they are separated (take notes of the calmness) and then watch the change when they are allowed to be together (the change is dramatic).

I suspect if one asks our married troops when they come home, should one have the courage to ask, compare the time after an extended separation to that of normal togetherness.

To be continued …….

The Blind depending on Hearing

One day at the Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson International airport, the passengers have been delayed waiting for the pilots to show up for their flight so they can get underway.  The pilot and co-pilot finally appear.  Both appear to be blind as they walk past the passengers; the pilot is using a white cane, the co-pilot has a guide dog.  Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.  

 The passengers board the aircraft with some anxiety.  The engines start, and as the airplane taxi’s out to the runway the pasengers experince some jerkyness adding he anxiety and uneasiness.  They look at each other and whisper among them begins.

The plane finally begins accelerating rapidly, and the people sitting in the window seats begin to panick.  Some passengers begin praying aloud.  As the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway their voices become more hysterical.

With less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams.  At that very second, the plane lifts off and is airborne.  

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and says to the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we won’t know when to take off!”