Category Archives: Prison

Fight or Flight – Stress – Lessons from the Past:

Routine Visit – Ha!

Routine visit to the Prison today! Haha on me! Did I tell you my prayer regarding my visits to prison often where I discover I am more a student than a teacher. And the normal prayer for me is this: “What do you have in mind for me today Lord”?

Start with Prayer – Heck the Whole thing is a Prayer:

Hope I don’t disappoint!!! Yep, I go to Mass, am entrusted with the Eucharist and quickly on my way via my (truck) chapel where I pray all the way! Not possible some say!!! Have ya ever ridden in my truck with me?

Mother Church:

Yes mam! I get to prison on time. Oh my the main gate scanner isn’t working! Rummage through my carry in clear see through pack is quickly completed.

Deeper and Deeper:

Walk through the next 5 locked gates and encounter two of my boys (haha on me they are inmates in for life)!! What the heck is going on? Met almost immediately met by the Chaplin – taken aside – not normal! Escorted out of the room and trying to ask questions as we walk fast! Holy Smokes – that room almost packed with inmates are – are – are – the Chaplin told me = they are ALL Lifers! Something new I have never encountered to date. Hmmm – you talken to me Lord?!

On to the next building – am told wait here while I check for a room! In library I see uniformed individuals sitting across from an inmate! Then Holy Smokes here come a bunch of lifers from the first room I passed headed straight into my space. How do I know? One of them is the first inmate I introduced you to last week who was the first encountered years ago when I first began. He comes and stands right next me.

Finally I begin to get the drift of what is taking place! Yep the Good Lord has something to remind me about today. Now my old friend! Yikes did I just write a lifer inmate if my old friend! Whew – another reminder – long ago I called – er – perhaps better said “SENT” to be taught by an unseen advocate – maybe I should call this spirit my tail gate defender who covers my back!

Have I lost you yet? My old friend tells me. I remind you he is standing there right at my side – he informs me he is waiting to be interviewed regarding his potential parole!

Life’s Roller Coaster Ride:

Have you ever been on a roller coaster! You know up up up the hill followed by oh my — my stomachs — am I gonna lose it’s contents as the roller coaster’s bottom falls accelerating downhill! Do you get the drift of the intensity of the moment? My old friend asks me to pray for him – he is sweating what words he need to use????? The the silent “HELP” is heard!!!!!!!!! Lord Have Mercy! Intense – stress – I can’t run away – I can’t hide – I must hang tough! What do I say???

Flash back – here we go again! Maybe some of you have heard that the air traffic controllers job is one of the most stressful job that exists! Some experts have said so. I myself spent some serious time in the world’s busiest Air Traffic Facilities! I have watched unbelievable things happen to air traffic controllers in seconds. Don’t recall I ever told this you learn but don’t talk about! Here it is!

Smell It?

Haha you gonna have ta wait! Best I can do to replicate a roller coaster ride. Recently I heard a very high level Catholic clergyman state that Jesus called his disciples to be shepherds. Shepherd – not a word to be lightly understood! And to be an effective shepherd, one must spend some serious very close encounter quality time among the sheep – yes – so much so that the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep.

I sure hope this analogy works! Did you know the body of an air traffic controller develops stress related bad breath until eventually the body adapts to the pressure cooker! Yes I learned I know the smell of stress! Chicago O’Hare 1970’s. Unexpected flashback for an old man in May 2023. Yes that is just part of what the good Lord had in mind for me today!

Summary: Man that roller coaster ride can be gruesome as ones hopes, dreams and emotions wrap there arms around ones soul.

What do I do? Oh What do I do? – Suffering – Preparation in Hiding:

So what does one say??? You have been preparing for this day 35 + years. What’s most essential is your faith and trust in Jesus Christ and the Advocate! Breathe out and then when you breathe in – suck in the Holy Spirit hidden in the cross named hurry up and wait! You are more ready more than you know! Have faith and trust in the spirit planted within “in the beginning” knowing no matter that no matter the outcome your standing in the exactly the right check out lane!

Then I was lead to the furthest part of the prison where I have never been before! Waiting alone – waiting for what?

to be continued ……..

Senior Lifer Inmate Returns

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The Spiritual Set Up:

The past week I have been fretting about just what I should do regarding natural human conflict between two inmates who attend my Catholic Service.

Funny and Not Very Funny:

Can we laugh at ourselves and just how human were set up? Funny but not so funny – one became upset with the other for engaging in a protracted debate / challenging my core perspective regarding Faith, Trust and Hope founded upon my religious belief in God, scripture and the Catholic perspective on Truth.

What Going On and On and On will Do!:

It was an argument, debate, long winded discussion some might find difficult to endure. Well fact was on inmate stood up without saying a word and walked out. This inmate did not return.

Time for a Deep Dive:

This particular incident caused my soul to search first for why the two inmates both felt strongly about the perspectives they held. Further I wanted to know what I could or should have done to handle this situation better?

“Artificial Intelligence”

The good news for me was, I was able to listen without overly interrupting the inmate making a point about Artificial Intelligence and how repeatedly in the past human kind has been able to imagine concepts not possible at the time, yet over time became a reality. Technology, cell phones, flight, outer space travel, electricity, medical advances, etc. etc. Yes things that must have been considered at one point in history as impossible yet today we know conclusively those imagined possibilities are really real.

Why not AIT? What’s so different?

Fundamental Truth? AI is a machine not human and does not have a soul or real feelings or emotions! It is simply a non living – electronic computer technology completely dependent up some flawed human being creating the hardware and software that can emulate ever so many human capabilities. AI has an advantage over a single human being for it can access data and be programmed by multiples of human being with a multiplicity of human values programmed into a non living highly sophisticated embedded complex outcomes which over time will become more and more difficult to test the predicted outcome!

The Other Inmate had had enough – Body Language in Action:

Question is? What is our tolerance capability and can we hear the spiritual question being asked hidden within a challenging debate?

The on and on debate Question hides the spiritual question! – Do our spiritual eyes and ears work?

As the dialogue went on as happens in time – how does one test such a machine and what standard will be used to measure the future outcomes / truth of results of AI? The machine will not have a soul nor a conscientious – rather a growing multiplicity of human and perhaps other machine software programmers who may never ever to speak to one another about the purpose and validation of outputs!

Fast Back to the “In the Very Beginning”:

Will mankind treat such a machine as a God? The temptation will be real as “In the beginning”! Will the reality of human kinds original sin be factored in? Ah ha! The Ten Commandments! Ah ha humankind’s nature to fall into temptation / desire to take ownership of the original “Tree of Knowledge” in the Garden.

A leap forward and simultaneously a leap backward to “in the beginning” – temptation!

Have I confused anyone yet?

Hey I know this is incomplete but I gotta take a break!

to be continued ………….

Suffering:

30 + Years versus One soon to be Paroled:

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Went to prison yesterday. Normal entry and normal delay for inmates to come! Food for thought! Almost every week a delay! And just why do I persist?

Oh, something about I am the student – sent to proclaim the Good News and to listen to the spirit’s voice hidden is the message spoken and unspoken by men incarcerated.

Oh Oh – I am the Student!!:

One inmate has been in prison 30 plus years. Lots of time to think! He admits guilt in murder of another human being. He regrets the impact of his frustration that lead to his crime! Essentially a spear he could not see coming penetrated his spirit when his son committed suicide as a older teenager.

Perspective of Hope – Stubbornness of the Spirit:

Can you imagine 30 + years to reflect upon and study the teachings of the Catholic Church. Simultaneously, ones human nature that landed him in prison clings to oneself and continues to cause him to challenge again and again truth no matter who! Just happened to be me today! Yes my each expressed thought! Can any one make the leap to understand this same challenge plays out time and again within the prison when I am not present with other inmates?

A Pain – a Pain! Get over yourself!:

So it was this day my question “how has it been going” lead to a conversation where seemingly every thought I expressed was challenged. Could it be 30 years ever so little hope exists “of ever being set free” was driving the conversation? A conversation that was upsetting to another inmate who recently received news “parole for multiple inmates was on the near horizon”. I ask myself? Are my ears working? Am I off track? New Hope came face to face with Hope frustrated! Unspoken language speaks through body movement! Absolutely no doubt – for sure something obviously had been triggered.

Oh Lord has my willingness to take the RISK to let people Speak an Error?

Was the difference I observed this day between the two inmates a spiritual attitude toward the hope of parole intensified by my willingness to take such a risk? Did I observe the natural long existing conflict – yet not fully understood by either – between the inmates – seemingly obviously due to a long interaction between the two men. A mouth full!

There I sat – the enabler: Guilty!

There I was essentially sitting in the middle enabling a discussion challenging my perspective of the future of Artificial Intelligence (AI) . Yes I was being challenged to defend myself at every turn in regard to inanimate object (AI’s home) – a non-human machines ability to replicate and exceed a humans ability to reason.

A machine no matter how sophisticated does not have a soul – nor was it created in the image of God with free will!

The unspoken word speaks clearly! Evidence – the inmate – a short timer – in his mind could not tolerate the lifer’s attitude in regard to his insistence to challenge my perspective

Sometimes the soul speaks through ones feet! Yes the short-timer got up and walked out!

Wonder why I am writing this?

Did I tell you – in this ministry to prisoners – I have discovered the Spirit of the One who called me, reversed my role making me the student and teacher so I might travel through the valley that leads one to begin to better understand God’s complicated design of the nature of the Human person – where the soul can not escape the body!

Fact — This is not easy reality to digest and discern the truth. Is it perhaps the valley one must pass through where the search for wisdom leads both teacher and student?

And where do I find a Human I can talk to who will not get up and leave?

Arms Length – Smell of Sheep

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Shepherd: Flock: So close: Takes on Smell:

The term used by Jesus to describe the leaders of the church was a Shepherd! Hmmm! Food for thought!! If one studies (perhaps even better lives with) what a “real” shepherd does, one learns a Shepherd spends so much time with the sheep, the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep!

Seems to me that’s a lot of time among and exposure to real life human beings which has the potential to opening a doorway wide for the sheep to enter into the sacraments where the Shepherd seeks to lead the flock!

Take the Real Presence out into the Sheep’s grazing grounds:

Kinda the Shepherd’s task is to find ways to take the message, if you will the “real presence” out of the sacred place into the sheep’s grazing grounds!

Uncomfortable?

This might be a little -well maybe viewed as ohhh very uncomfortable for some Shepherd’s who might just encounter lost sheep including some who attend Mass every week!

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

Arms Length – neither a “Yes” or “No”:

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

This is not easy human reality! It’s just the reality of my journey! Arms length – neither a “yes” or a “no”! Rather it is fear to enter into a relationship – and results in being non decisive!

A Gift I didn’t ask for:

Seems to me the good Lord gave me a gift I wasn’t shopping for! Ten years with people suffering with HIV/AIDS fast forwarded facing the reality of death resulted in an immersion of myself into the world of sheep saying “I was born this way” – not understanding “in the beginning” they were exactly born this way – with “original sin” human natures in the beginning desire to define truth! Yes sin is still sin in spite of oh so many humans seeking to make real the original sin/unreality!

Kids – Puberty – Family – Anger – Do We have a Clue?:

Fast forward into the prison system and an encounter with 17 year old juveniles! Described not by me!!!! But by the veteran old timer incarcerated inmates! Just who qualified them?

Mad as hell with mom and dad is what they told me! How is it they can see it yet the modern world seeks selfie desire and silence truth! Throw away young people! Throw away the unborn! Throw away bodies based upon a facade! Throw away throw away all that does not meet the selfie agenda!

Suffering – the Message from the Cross:

Arms length – is my cross! Suffering is the hidden doorway behind which truth is found! Avoid suffering at all costs in favor of modern man’s dreaming, as catastrophe awaits!

Reminds me of these words!!! Turn around and come back to me! With whole heart, mind, soul and all your being = body!

Yep I will go to prison on Friday and if I some how smell different, forgive me! It is there I enter into the mystery and smell of the cost of faith and trust of the one who sent me!

If you read this May God Bless you!

The New National Religion of the USA

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Went to prison last Friday. Arrived on time – went to my assigned place. Guard told me no room for you! Go see the Chaplin and off I went – routine! Followed the Chaplin around and was assigned a room! “What do you have in mind for me today Lord!” My prison prayer – my classroom!

First inmate in is a young man who wants to become Catholic. I inform him I want him to pass a test. Write the Ten Commandments and the Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church.

His response – he has talked with the older inmates and thinks I can answer his question better. So what’s on your mind?

I was born this way!

Something like – I am attracted to men and I was born this way!

Anyone think I was prepared for this? 1990 – 2000 I ministered to people with HIV / AIDS in the bowels of Atlanta. It was considered a crises in those days. HIV slowly overcomes the immune system and almost everyone thought it was a death sentence. I would say one could cut the atmosphere I walked into with a knife. Yes my classroom!

What did I hear repeated again and again. “I was created this way”! I describe it as a cry coming from deep down in the bones of one fast forwarded to facing the reality of Death. Yes many were dying and I learn to recognize the look of those as they approached deaths door.

The Body divided from the Mind, Emoptions without a Soul:

The body has a soul and the soul cries out in distress in multiple ways. Way back then I could not have told anyone but I was sent to be trained in preparation for today’s world and the LBGTQ+++ disconnect agenda from God’s design.

The young man’s question without hesitation told me I had managed to speak the truth without condemnation! I am not afraid of the LBGTQ+++ agenda or speaking the Truth.

In the beginning man demonstrated man could be deceived as man sought the eat the forbidden fruit – Modern man has not changed! Modern man has long been working overtime to disconnect human emotions, human imagination and the soul from the Body!

Abortion the Knife Used to Divide Body and Soul:

Abortion is a great analogy! To justify Abortion humanity has claimed an unborn child is not a person – just a piece of meat! We know better – science proves it – babies kick and turn – feel pain and on and on! Denial of Truth is the sand Abortion sits on!

When I was in middle school on I was afraid to ask girls out! But taking a shower with the boys was a piece of cake. Culture can manipulate humans! Malleable is the word to describe how humans can adapt to various cultural pressures.

There has been a ton of behavior study that has taken place that tells us young people’s imagination can be manipulated and data shows if left to natures process of puberty approximately 93% of young people are happy with their gender. The remaining roughly 7% have suicidal tendencies! I do not claim to be an expert in this regard yet know the studies are available.

The New Religion — Truth Upside Down — Fairy Tail Land = Reality:

Reality long ago the War was launched and prior to 2023 we had a new religion that is being propagated by the culture, supported by Hollywood, the new media, politicians and population control zealots.

The time I spent from 1990 through 2000 was walking in the midst of people crying out — “Who am I”! My classroom for the great deceivers LBGTQ Agenda

That’s not all folks – No one went with me to the bowels of Atlanta in those days! But I know I was sent there to be taught in preparation for today!

Every human demands (instinctively) both spiritual and physical touch to be affirmed! The importance of holding and loving a child can not be overestimated. A child spent months listening to the heart beat of it’s mother!

Child brought up without a mother and a father is vulnerable!

1960’s: Prayer removed – JFK assassinated by our own government. LBJ war of poverty and the great society followed by the rapid decline of the black family followed shortly by all families regardless of faith!

The new “pronoun” religion placed into law!

Who is gonna speak up if not me?

What Do You have in mind for me today Lord?

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No Room in the Inn ring a bell?

Went prison. Guard “No room for you today” Go see the Chaplin! Off I went. Followed Chaplin back to same location. Not much said! Few minutes and I had a room!

First inmate in is a young man who wants to become a Catholic. Tell him I want him to be able to write the Ten Commandments and the Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church.

Are You Ready?

His first comments are that he has been talking with older inmates and perhaps dues to my being an old man and a Deacon I might have a more clear answer. Are you ready? Well I was! Way back in the 1990’s I spent ten years listening to his plea during the HIV / AIDS crises!

Holy Smokes:

Ready?? I am attracted to men and I was BORN this way! How to answer raced my mind yet I realized just how valuable and deep probing was his acknowledgement. It verified a few things immediately. One who is unafraid to speak the Truth is not to be feared, but rather questioned in the search for the Spirit of Truth! Wow how refreshing this young man’s questions is! Obviously he did not immediately judge me to be homophobic or prejudice etc. Open I would say to the possibility that the Truth can set one free! Who said that?

to be continued ……

Link Beyond these Stone Walls:

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Beyond These Stone Walls

A Talking Tattoo:

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Friday Friday! Yep the day I go to prison. Yippie! On the way I pray! “Well Lord what do you have in mind for me today”?

Discipline: Can anyone see Discipline? Do you Love me enough?

Six Locked Doors – How many doors of your Heart are Locked?

Make it through six locked gates to my destination! Yep no place for me today! Long ago I learned to stand patiently and wait! And have learned long ago it is time set aside for me to be taught.

God’s Timing:

Has to be God’s timing! Door opens at the end of the hallway I am looking down. In marches white inmate with bold tattoos on his face! Arms behind his back handcuffed I am sure! On his right and left are guards each holding one of his arms.

The Command – Stand Up and Turn Your Back:

They sound a command and every inmate immediately stands and turns their backs to the inmate being lead to a unknown destination. Only myself and the guard next to me can watch.

Spiritual Bricks: Non Verbal Message:

I wish I could express the ton of spiritual bricks that hit me that instant. The inmate was stocky, looked strong, might actually be handsome if not for the tattoos which made him so hard to look at.

Contrast Jesus Message to His Brave Followers:

I was reminded Every time Jesus met walked into a room with His disciples His first words were “Do not be afraid” and “Peace be with you”.

The Purpose of the Tattoos: Yes Non Verbal Works:

You bet – those tattoos had a purpose -> “Fear”! Oh yes I see! Yet why was it, what I saw was the non verbal voice of a lost soul crying out! An angry lost soul and the tattoos served as non verbal voice of His imprisoned soul crying out from deep within! Oh not the same prison I was in! No no! The prison of deep wounds suffered ever so long long ago! A gang member! What the heck is a gang?

The Hidden Magnetic Unseen Force to be a Part of some Family:

When positive creative discipline is missing the question being asked is not answered (do you love me enough?) and the cycle accelerates down hill fast! Ultimately a substitute family will be sought out where any form of discipline will be acceptable! Finally somebody knows and cares I exist!

The Cross and Non Verbal Communications:

Hidden in the Cross lives Hope! Perhaps better said buried in the cross is the narrow gate where Hope can be found!

Come follow me says the Lord! Oh BTW pick up your cross! And just what does that require? Discipline = Love! Yea Dad I love you!

Life Sentence, Hope for Parole, Rejection, New Life

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Silence: The Doorway for the Spirit of God to Enter:

Went to prison on Friday as usual. Changed my game plan since one inmate indicated he needed silent time. He told me in prison there is no silence unless: Something not good has happened or is going to happen. Tension exists when silence permeates a prison.

Adoration: Worshiping the Eucharist – The Body of Christ:

Yep that was my game plan. Light a candle and Expose the Eucharist on a small table in the room so the inmates who come can worship and adore the Body of Christ! Not so sure all Catholic’s let alone Christians understand the Eucharist, Silence let alone Adoration?

The Real Presence:

For twenty minutes in silence we sat, kneel ed, and prayed! Then I broke the silence and asked them to reflect upon their individual sins. After another fifteen minutes I again interrupted and asked them to join me in praying as perfect an Act of Contrition as we possible could!

Act of Contrition:

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all because they offend Thee, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to confess my sins and amend my life. Amen.

Since these inmates are and have been confined to prison and no priest has visited for over 3 years – this is the best we can do! I tell them the next time a Catholic priest is available, grad them by the arm and ask them will you please hear your confession!

Communion Service – Outside Mass:

After the Act of Contrition, I ask them to join me in celebrating a Communion Service. We begin with the Sign of the Cross, an opening prayer and the Penitential Right. Next we begin the Liturgy of the Word from Scripture.

At the moment I begin to proclaim the Gospel, a young man knocks at the door. We invite him in and ask how we can help him. We discover he is looking for information regarding the Catholic Religion. So heck we ask him to stay with us as we celebrate and briefly explain what we are doing.

At the conclusion of the service we ask him to stay and ask whatever questions he has for us in regard to his queries! Lord Have Mercy! He is interested in learning more about the Catholic faith and the difference between the protestant and Catholic Religions.

“Alleluia Alleluia”

In my book is timing is perfect. One of the older inmates was recently turned down for parole and it was clear to me his disappointment took a spiritual tole on him. To my great delight, this inmate took the greatest interest in answering this young mans questions. It was a perfect opportunity for him to share his faith journey and in depth learning during his many years of incarceration. Lord have mercy! I sense the excitement in his manner and voice. A rich opportunity to share his faith and journey to discerning the word of God. Holy Smokes – sure appeared to me the Holy Spirit had set this even up. It was uplifting! In fact I would say both the young man and the veteran inmate were lifting each other up as words and explanations were exchanged.

to be continued …….

While Waiting = Time = Opportunity for the location Key :

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A people in Waiting: The Roman Catholic Church:

August 2022. Went to prison. Arrived on time and arrived in my designated room. Waited. I have been getting acclimated to waiting. When I arrive I advise the guard who calls the dorms to notify inmates I have arrived so they can be released to attend. The men I visit are in dorm M. I put my stuff on the table and sit down to wait.

A time to just Wait – What to do with a Wait- Spiritual Sharing during a Wait :

As I am waiting, a young man sitting in the room ask me a question? For the next hour I begin explaining who I am, why I am here and ask him a few questions about his situation.

Suffering – any suffering? Suffering can be a non verbal method of communications for those with eyes to see. Could Jesus have been speaking the whole time he was nailed to the cross? Was there blood coming from his head and into his eyes? Could it have been very painful? You bet!

Holy Smokes an hour evaporates: Then the young man tells me the inmate I am waiting on is in dorm K! I go to the guard and provide the name and dorm. Lord have mercy – the inmates shows up in less than 5 minutes. What you been doing? Evangelization is my description.

I change the subject to what has been going on with the inmate since I last visited? Oh boy did he have a story to tell. He checked out of his dorm signing out with the guard. Another three guards where near the exit and talking. One of the guards was assigned to his dorm and advised him to sign out. He responded that he had signed out. Apparently a misunderstanding took place resulting in some confusion and triggered human emotions for both men. Well bottom line it didn’t bod well for the inmate I came to visit. He ended up in a place called the hole. When he first was incarcerated he frequented the hole. But several years ago after finding his way back to practicing his faith – his behavior changed for the better. He shared although he was not happy about being placed in the hole he was calm. In fact he said the warden, deputy warden, chaplain and three other officers came to visit him in the hole. They wanted to know what’s up since this was not his recent behavior.

What to do with a Wait – Spiritual Sharing follows:

My question? I was there an hour before the young inmate reveled to me he knew where the inmate was I came to visit. Then the inmate arrives and tells me the story of his waiting in the hole and while he was waiting the visitors who came to check on him.

Waiting can be Spiritually Productive:

Seems to me the Holy Spirit was working through all the encounters that took place. And if I hadn’t been willing to take a risk and share my spiritual ministry with a stranger who does not attend church – well the Wait would have been just a Wait and then go home.