Category Archives: Spiritual Reflections

Reflections

Senior Lifer Inmate Returns

The Spiritual Set Up:

The past week I have been fretting about just what I should do regarding natural human conflict between two inmates who attend my Catholic Service.

Funny and Not Very Funny:

Can we laugh at ourselves and just how human were set up? Funny but not so funny – one became upset with the other for engaging in a protracted debate / challenging my core perspective regarding Faith, Trust and Hope founded upon my religious belief in God, scripture and the Catholic perspective on Truth.

What Going On and On and On will Do!:

It was an argument, debate, long winded discussion some might find difficult to endure. Well fact was on inmate stood up without saying a word and walked out. This inmate did not return.

Time for a Deep Dive:

This particular incident caused my soul to search first for why the two inmates both felt strongly about the perspectives they held. Further I wanted to know what I could or should have done to handle this situation better?

“Artificial Intelligence”

The good news for me was, I was able to listen without overly interrupting the inmate making a point about Artificial Intelligence and how repeatedly in the past human kind has been able to imagine concepts not possible at the time, yet over time became a reality. Technology, cell phones, flight, outer space travel, electricity, medical advances, etc. etc. Yes things that must have been considered at one point in history as impossible yet today we know conclusively those imagined possibilities are really real.

Why not AIT? What’s so different?

Fundamental Truth? AI is a machine not human and does not have a soul or real feelings or emotions! It is simply a non living – electronic computer technology completely dependent up some flawed human being creating the hardware and software that can emulate ever so many human capabilities. AI has an advantage over a single human being for it can access data and be programmed by multiples of human being with a multiplicity of human values programmed into a non living highly sophisticated embedded complex outcomes which over time will become more and more difficult to test the predicted outcome!

The Other Inmate had had enough – Body Language in Action:

Question is? What is our tolerance capability and can we hear the spiritual question being asked hidden within a challenging debate?

The on and on debate Question hides the spiritual question! – Do our spiritual eyes and ears work?

As the dialogue went on as happens in time – how does one test such a machine and what standard will be used to measure the future outcomes / truth of results of AI? The machine will not have a soul nor a conscientious – rather a growing multiplicity of human and perhaps other machine software programmers who may never ever to speak to one another about the purpose and validation of outputs!

Fast Back to the “In the Very Beginning”:

Will mankind treat such a machine as a God? The temptation will be real as “In the beginning”! Will the reality of human kinds original sin be factored in? Ah ha! The Ten Commandments! Ah ha humankind’s nature to fall into temptation / desire to take ownership of the original “Tree of Knowledge” in the Garden.

A leap forward and simultaneously a leap backward to “in the beginning” – temptation!

Have I confused anyone yet?

Hey I know this is incomplete but I gotta take a break!

to be continued ………….

Suffering:

Suffering:

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Suffering:

What is the purpose of Suffering?? Many say Jesus suffering and death was payment for the sins of humanity necessary to open the door of salvation for sinners so human’s can gain access to heaven! This statement is true while also being incomplete!

Jesus himself called all of us to come follow me adding pick up your cross! Another way to say join our suffering to that of His sacrifice! Now that is a mouthful! Buried in His crucifixion is Hid non verbal message! Join your suffering to mine as testimony that others might be lead to the gate.

An intensified Search:

From my own experience of suffering I found the intensity of my search for meaning and understanding was magnified exponentially! This trip through the valley of tears was necessary to open my spiritual eyes and ears to begin to see spiritual reality! You were born for this day!

The Human Condition – God’s Design:

It is a prerequisite that our human condition the only potential doorway to connect oneself with the image and spirit of God within is real suffering! It is the place one can begin to find oneself, the purpose of their being and to begin to hear the call to find themselves and the purpose for which they were created!

Modern Man Thinks himself Smarter:

We are living in the modern era that could be defined as the “selfie” generation! I can be whatever I want to be and define myself rather recreate myself into any living entity I desire! Humans seek what the worldly images of “happiness” is as the primary emotional, imaginary and single focused source of being! The Spirit of the soul and the body become separated from the whole of truth. Science and biological truth are sacrificed at the altar of the newest religion!

A New Religion:

This new religion is leading the world rapidly down the road where “suffering” will become the only doorway – one can encounter the “narrow gate” Jesus spoke about as He hung on the cross!

Are you ready? Can you see it is on the near horizon and accelerating each day!

Hope:

There is however Hope! In Christ’s own words! “Come back to me – Turn around – with your whole mind, emotions, feelings, spirit, soul, mind and yes your body”!

This is Mable’s message to Chris and anyone with ears to hear!

30 + Years versus One soon to be Paroled:

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Went to prison yesterday. Normal entry and normal delay for inmates to come! Food for thought! Almost every week a delay! And just why do I persist?

Oh, something about I am the student – sent to proclaim the Good News and to listen to the spirit’s voice hidden is the message spoken and unspoken by men incarcerated.

Oh Oh – I am the Student!!:

One inmate has been in prison 30 plus years. Lots of time to think! He admits guilt in murder of another human being. He regrets the impact of his frustration that lead to his crime! Essentially a spear he could not see coming penetrated his spirit when his son committed suicide as a older teenager.

Perspective of Hope – Stubbornness of the Spirit:

Can you imagine 30 + years to reflect upon and study the teachings of the Catholic Church. Simultaneously, ones human nature that landed him in prison clings to oneself and continues to cause him to challenge again and again truth no matter who! Just happened to be me today! Yes my each expressed thought! Can any one make the leap to understand this same challenge plays out time and again within the prison when I am not present with other inmates?

A Pain – a Pain! Get over yourself!:

So it was this day my question “how has it been going” lead to a conversation where seemingly every thought I expressed was challenged. Could it be 30 years ever so little hope exists “of ever being set free” was driving the conversation? A conversation that was upsetting to another inmate who recently received news “parole for multiple inmates was on the near horizon”. I ask myself? Are my ears working? Am I off track? New Hope came face to face with Hope frustrated! Unspoken language speaks through body movement! Absolutely no doubt – for sure something obviously had been triggered.

Oh Lord has my willingness to take the RISK to let people Speak an Error?

Was the difference I observed this day between the two inmates a spiritual attitude toward the hope of parole intensified by my willingness to take such a risk? Did I observe the natural long existing conflict – yet not fully understood by either – between the inmates – seemingly obviously due to a long interaction between the two men. A mouth full!

There I sat – the enabler: Guilty!

There I was essentially sitting in the middle enabling a discussion challenging my perspective of the future of Artificial Intelligence (AI) . Yes I was being challenged to defend myself at every turn in regard to inanimate object (AI’s home) – a non-human machines ability to replicate and exceed a humans ability to reason.

A machine no matter how sophisticated does not have a soul – nor was it created in the image of God with free will!

The unspoken word speaks clearly! Evidence – the inmate – a short timer – in his mind could not tolerate the lifer’s attitude in regard to his insistence to challenge my perspective

Sometimes the soul speaks through ones feet! Yes the short-timer got up and walked out!

Wonder why I am writing this?

Did I tell you – in this ministry to prisoners – I have discovered the Spirit of the One who called me, reversed my role making me the student and teacher so I might travel through the valley that leads one to begin to better understand God’s complicated design of the nature of the Human person – where the soul can not escape the body!

Fact — This is not easy reality to digest and discern the truth. Is it perhaps the valley one must pass through where the search for wisdom leads both teacher and student?

And where do I find a Human I can talk to who will not get up and leave?

Arms Length – Smell of Sheep

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Shepherd: Flock: So close: Takes on Smell:

The term used by Jesus to describe the leaders of the church was a Shepherd! Hmmm! Food for thought!! If one studies (perhaps even better lives with) what a “real” shepherd does, one learns a Shepherd spends so much time with the sheep, the shepherd takes on the smell of the sheep!

Seems to me that’s a lot of time among and exposure to real life human beings which has the potential to opening a doorway wide for the sheep to enter into the sacraments where the Shepherd seeks to lead the flock!

Take the Real Presence out into the Sheep’s grazing grounds:

Kinda the Shepherd’s task is to find ways to take the message, if you will the “real presence” out of the sacred place into the sheep’s grazing grounds!

Uncomfortable?

This might be a little -well maybe viewed as ohhh very uncomfortable for some Shepherd’s who might just encounter lost sheep including some who attend Mass every week!

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

Arms Length – neither a “Yes” or “No”:

Arms length might be a good description of one who is unable and unwilling to venture outside the sacred venues they have authority and essentially total control.

This is not easy human reality! It’s just the reality of my journey! Arms length – neither a “yes” or a “no”! Rather it is fear to enter into a relationship – and results in being non decisive!

A Gift I didn’t ask for:

Seems to me the good Lord gave me a gift I wasn’t shopping for! Ten years with people suffering with HIV/AIDS fast forwarded facing the reality of death resulted in an immersion of myself into the world of sheep saying “I was born this way” – not understanding “in the beginning” they were exactly born this way – with “original sin” human natures in the beginning desire to define truth! Yes sin is still sin in spite of oh so many humans seeking to make real the original sin/unreality!

Kids – Puberty – Family – Anger – Do We have a Clue?:

Fast forward into the prison system and an encounter with 17 year old juveniles! Described not by me!!!! But by the veteran old timer incarcerated inmates! Just who qualified them?

Mad as hell with mom and dad is what they told me! How is it they can see it yet the modern world seeks selfie desire and silence truth! Throw away young people! Throw away the unborn! Throw away bodies based upon a facade! Throw away throw away all that does not meet the selfie agenda!

Suffering – the Message from the Cross:

Arms length – is my cross! Suffering is the hidden doorway behind which truth is found! Avoid suffering at all costs in favor of modern man’s dreaming, as catastrophe awaits!

Reminds me of these words!!! Turn around and come back to me! With whole heart, mind, soul and all your being = body!

Yep I will go to prison on Friday and if I some how smell different, forgive me! It is there I enter into the mystery and smell of the cost of faith and trust of the one who sent me!

If you read this May God Bless you!

To Molly

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Hey Molly. “Moefrancis” Pretty much I have oh so little of an idea of who you are or what you dream of. It’s not an accident that happened.

My wife and I came to the hospital the day you were born. While I was there I called my son, your dad’s brother Todd, so he and his wife would know you were born. I hoped they would have chance to come as well. Think I can conclude in 2023 that didn’t go over so well reflecting back. Not at all sure why but history tells a story one cannot deny!

Christmas Visit – Where is Molly:

My wife and I came to your house at Christmas when you were a baby – I guess you were about nine months old. Your mother was upstairs with you. Your dad told us you were sick, Your mother never came down to visit with us that day. Never encountered anything like that before.

High Chair Girl:

My wife and I came to your house again, you were in a high chair ( maybe you were around two years old) at the supper table. Pretty darn sparse visits I would say! Have no idea what you might have thought or were told about that day??

Gosh, I am going to have to reflect some on that visit. My best recollection is it wasn’t a smooth visit like when people sit down and visit because they are happy to see each other. Not necessarily unwelcome but not welcome either.

Pretty much that’s it! So I guess you are now 18 years old and about to graduate from High School. My wife and I have received any notice or invitation in regard to your graduation. Based upon the past many years that is disappointing but nor a surprise.

So Why Persist?:

So, why the heck am I writing this post?? Guess I never stopped thinking of you and wondered how one day I might be able to communicate with you?

Fast Forward 2023:

At the moment this is best I can do! I confess I admit years of sustained failure! Visited your house 3 time in 2023! No joy! No success. No one came to the door but I did hear dogs bark. I have no idea how you would know this? I can only hope you might believe me!

My Grand Father – My Name:

When I was a kid my mother’s dad – my grandpa lived with us for around six years. He was moved from one of his kids homes to another, mostly to my house. The reason was he had had a stroke. He could find his way around town to where he wanted to go. He just couldn’t always find his way back home. He almost didn’t talk to me during those years even though my mother told me I was his favorite. I was named after him “Tilton Cheney” – “TC”.

My Grand Fathers Death:

When I was 13, my mother told me he was going to die that night. I still remember sitting at the bottom of the steps in our / his old house. Somehow he made it through that night. The next day my folks took me to see him at a nursing home. They went into his room first and had me stay outside! Guess they wanted to make sure it was OK for me to go in. Soon my mom came and got me into the room. My grandpa was in bed! What took my breath away was he began to talk to me like nothing had ever happened to him! He told me he was going to take me hunting and fishing – things he loved to do. My throat got tied up in a knot and I couldn’t speak.

More Worried about me than Death itself:

Later after we left and even to this day, I think my grandpa was far more worried about me than he was about death. I think he knew he was going to die soon. He rallied himself to talk to me in a genuine effort to make me feel at ease and to not be afraid. He was think more about me than he was himself. Yes he died later that night.

Why do I write:?

So why do I write this? When I was a kid there was no way for me to understand what my grand father had been through or understand how much he loved me! Just no way! Now I am 80 and only now can I begin to understand the cost of lost time when one has little control over the circumstances in play.

Wonderment!:

Would one day love to talk to you! Perhaps I will never get such a chance! One does not always have control over the opening or closing of the doorway where real relationships are formed. Even human has issues and handicaps. I have mine and your mom and dad each have their own! Most often those handicaps can not be seen only encountered.

Just maybe you may recall the many phone calls I made to your house – never having anyone answer. Often leaving a message and never getting a call back. Making a trip every month after open heart surgery – knocking of the door – hearing kids inside cry – no one came to the door.

You were just a Kid:

Heck you were a little kid! Pretty sure eventually I communicated frustration at the welcoming recorded message that not a single time ever returned a call.

My prayer is somehow, you can learn from the mistakes made (mine and others) and not repeat any of them.

Wish things where different! But so far no Joy! But “Hope” lives! How do I know? I am writing you this post! Forgiveness is too often impossible! I ask you to forgive me and anyone else who assisted in this failure of becoming family!

May God Bless you, your mom, your dad, and your sister.

What Do You have in mind for me today Lord?

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No Room in the Inn ring a bell?

Went prison. Guard “No room for you today” Go see the Chaplin! Off I went. Followed Chaplin back to same location. Not much said! Few minutes and I had a room!

First inmate in is a young man who wants to become a Catholic. Tell him I want him to be able to write the Ten Commandments and the Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church.

Are You Ready?

His first comments are that he has been talking with older inmates and perhaps dues to my being an old man and a Deacon I might have a more clear answer. Are you ready? Well I was! Way back in the 1990’s I spent ten years listening to his plea during the HIV / AIDS crises!

Holy Smokes:

Ready?? I am attracted to men and I was BORN this way! How to answer raced my mind yet I realized just how valuable and deep probing was his acknowledgement. It verified a few things immediately. One who is unafraid to speak the Truth is not to be feared, but rather questioned in the search for the Spirit of Truth! Wow how refreshing this young man’s questions is! Obviously he did not immediately judge me to be homophobic or prejudice etc. Open I would say to the possibility that the Truth can set one free! Who said that?

to be continued ……

Gone Fishing –> The Discovery of my Heritage:

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Stowell Family:

Back in the late 1980’s I told my mother Martha Stowell Meuninck I was in the process of becoming a Deacon in the Roman Catholic Church in the Archdiocese of Atlanta. My mother’s response was you are joining a long line of preachers. At the time I did not have the wisdom to ask my mom, exactly what and who are you talking about? Short sighted was I!

33 Years Ago:

Well it is 2023! Whew more than 33 years ago this year! Well circumstances have lead me to search for an understanding of the current situation in regard to my own ministry and just exactly what is the Lord’s plan for me?

Joseph – My Conformation Patron Saint:

Well I began a google search for the name Joseph Stowell a name I ran across listening to New Life Radio. I knew at one point Joseph Stowell was the President of Moody Bible Institute. Funny coincidence I worked at the Chicago O’Hare Airport in the 1970’s. When I heard the name I began to wonder if this man Joseph could be the grandson like I was a grandson to my grand dad Tilton Cheney Stowell. Funny first name Tilton Cheney. I have a story to tell about me and kindergarten.

Another funny incidence. I took a Course “Theology of the Body” Saint John Paul II’s teaching through the Dallas Theology Seminary in 2011?

Bejamin Ellijah Stowell March 6, 1847 (my Birthday Month and day) Married Rosa Jane Livermore: Children: Mary Alice, Joseph Michael (Grand Dad of Joseph Stowell – Moody fame), Alma Livermore, plus My Grand Parents:

Tilton Cheney – Oct. 4 1874 (Grand father) and Anna Marie Walsh – May 9, 1880 (grand mother): Children: Kathern B., Joseph Michael, Mary Margueritt, Richard Robert, Thomas Albert, Margueritte Carrol – May 18, 1915 (my mom).

A Long line of Preachers: That’s what my mom told me over 33 years ago.

Ultimately I ran across this video and took the time to listen: Give it a listen: See if you can figure out the invisible that ties us together?

Gone Fishing:

Link

Four

What the Hey! So lets start! Just what are the four cardinal virtues? And just why should I try and figure out what they are?

Darn – all of this about having “Courage”! Having the courage to do what is necessary both right and good! Do I have too?

Hmmm! Four Cardinal Virtues!!! Fortitude (hang in there), Prudence (foresight?), Justice ( not just about old selfie), and Temperance! Yikes each word is packed full of spiritual meaning!

So just who decided to identify there? Hmmmm! Some old ancient guy – Thomas Aquinas of Hippo! Do I need to know this? And does “Hippo” mean the guy was “Hip”? Maybe he was! Is Hippo a part of this world?

I just got a new fast computer! The mouse thinks it can read my mind! Not so fast you little blipper! Get back in your mouse hole!

Not Another Saint!

St. Thomas defines virtue for us as “a good habit bearing on activity” or a good faculty/habit! Oh my the word faculty!?! Awah shucks another funny word – I am just a red neck country boy! Faculty? Do I have to exercise discipline again? And just what the Hey is discipline? Oh yea -> snippet -> Discipline = Love! Short hand that takes many words to describe such a complex spiritual reality demonstrated while handing on a cross! I guess eyes can see and ears hear better when one encounters the well hidden secrets only a cross can reveal to the human who encounters the word suffering! Oh man no body wants to do that! Come follow me rings a bell! Who said that? And oh yea like a virtue one must choose to enter into the story! Do I have too???

Where was I?

Gotta take a break before I kill this mouse — to be continued . . . . . . . . . . . .

Seven —> Oh Man another Number!!!!????

Seven Virtues! Chastity, diligence (Concord vs Discord), Faith, Good Works, Humility, Patience, Sobriety: Yea I didn’t kill the mouse!!!

Check out: https://stream.org/

The Four Cardinal Virtues: Cardinal a Hinge that hold up a heavy door so it can open and close. A Cardinal a very very red bird. The Color of life sustaining oxygenated bright red blood.

Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, Temperance: == Hinges: That which hold up a heavy door so it can open and close.

Prudence: (oh no not that word Discipline oneself, to use reason to discern good versus evil / know the Ten Commandments – and we are creature not God.)

Justice: (giving / treating people with dignity because they were created in the image of God. Dignity is hidden in work – working enable one to discover gifts and talents.)

Fortitude: ( persistence -0 hanging in there when it is hard, Courage to continue unabated – set one face like Flint)

Temperance: ( involves all the senses – touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste)

Who is the first and best teacher of the Cardinal Virtues???? Mom & Dad!

Chastity (oh my! not in this world!),

Hearing the Ache Coming from the Heart

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December 2022. Visited today with a home bound friend. All in a tizzy over his encounter with women! Heck, he isn’t telling me anything new – I am married! Ha ha on both of us! Sometimes we get so very worked up and serious we can no longer see beyond ourselves. So in the middle of tonight I woke up! Hey I am now legitimately “WOKE”:! Oh man – trouble brews!

My mind was working over time of the lament of the day! I was witness to and how we humans struggle with grasping our diverse perspectives while stumbling all over ourselves that prevents us from being able to communicate! Part of the problem is we lack courage to ask and courage to criticize one another! Fear Fear – How to without destroying a relationship! Love one another is not an easy task! Taking the necessary risk to try seems to be our Achilles heel! Hello There!

Life’s journey through the bowels of Atlanta during the early HIV / AIDS days was the doorway to the discovery my spiritual ears and eyes were being trained. It was that very uncomfortable place I traveled to be and sit in the presence of mostly young men who were pouring out their souls in the accelerator lane self debating themselves and the others present. They were in a self grappling match with themselves, questioning life’s purpose and meaning filled with a deep lament in regard to the very serious life and death circumstances they found themselves.

Why am I here? What can I do?

I myself am probably not yet fully aware of just why in the heck was I present their with them in the first place? What qualifications did I have? My only answer that makes sense is – “I was called and I answered the call”! I didn’t know it at the time, but I had worked through the Air Traffic Strike of 1981. 11,000 controllers walked out that day. PATCO was the union and had negotiated the first contract with the Federal Government and pretty much had gotten everything they had asked for! Why Strike?? It was part of my preparation to listen and hear to human cries that rise up out of the soul!

A 3rd Party AFLCIO Hidden Agenda:

The AFLCIO had control of the Trucks and Ships! Now if only they could control the airplanes they would have the Power to shut down the Nation’s transportation system. Funny how this event had prepared my spiritual ears and eyes to see and hear! Yes, this is the deadly sin hidden in the Garden Story in the Book of Genesis. Yes hidden in the symbol of the tree! Yes the tree that belongs to God holding the forbidden fruit! Fruit natures lure of good taste and healthy food – yet hidden within lies “choice”, “free will” and the consequences = “death”!

Why did 11,000 Controllers Go On Strike?

That is the precise question I wanted an answer to! Fortunately I was not alone! A number of Leadership and Human Behavior courses were rapidly opened up and I was able to participate. I used this training today December 2022! Morris Massey’s video “You are who you were when” hit the nail on the head. It takes a significant emotional event to open the doorway of the human heart and mind to begin to search and ask why am I upset?

Thus the Beginning of Lament:

A short few years later I found myself in the bowels of the HIV / AIDS crises amidst genuine laments! Why me! Why I asked myself was the word “Lord” missing? Another treasure missed – created in the image of God within -= ones soul! The battle in the beginning continues today! Within in this battle I was unknowingly being prepared oh so long ago to see and hear with spiritual eye and ears!

to be continued . . . . . . . . .

Life Sentence, Hope for Parole, Rejection, New Life

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Silence: The Doorway for the Spirit of God to Enter:

Went to prison on Friday as usual. Changed my game plan since one inmate indicated he needed silent time. He told me in prison there is no silence unless: Something not good has happened or is going to happen. Tension exists when silence permeates a prison.

Adoration: Worshiping the Eucharist – The Body of Christ:

Yep that was my game plan. Light a candle and Expose the Eucharist on a small table in the room so the inmates who come can worship and adore the Body of Christ! Not so sure all Catholic’s let alone Christians understand the Eucharist, Silence let alone Adoration?

The Real Presence:

For twenty minutes in silence we sat, kneel ed, and prayed! Then I broke the silence and asked them to reflect upon their individual sins. After another fifteen minutes I again interrupted and asked them to join me in praying as perfect an Act of Contrition as we possible could!

Act of Contrition:

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all because they offend Thee, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to confess my sins and amend my life. Amen.

Since these inmates are and have been confined to prison and no priest has visited for over 3 years – this is the best we can do! I tell them the next time a Catholic priest is available, grad them by the arm and ask them will you please hear your confession!

Communion Service – Outside Mass:

After the Act of Contrition, I ask them to join me in celebrating a Communion Service. We begin with the Sign of the Cross, an opening prayer and the Penitential Right. Next we begin the Liturgy of the Word from Scripture.

At the moment I begin to proclaim the Gospel, a young man knocks at the door. We invite him in and ask how we can help him. We discover he is looking for information regarding the Catholic Religion. So heck we ask him to stay with us as we celebrate and briefly explain what we are doing.

At the conclusion of the service we ask him to stay and ask whatever questions he has for us in regard to his queries! Lord Have Mercy! He is interested in learning more about the Catholic faith and the difference between the protestant and Catholic Religions.

“Alleluia Alleluia”

In my book is timing is perfect. One of the older inmates was recently turned down for parole and it was clear to me his disappointment took a spiritual tole on him. To my great delight, this inmate took the greatest interest in answering this young mans questions. It was a perfect opportunity for him to share his faith journey and in depth learning during his many years of incarceration. Lord have mercy! I sense the excitement in his manner and voice. A rich opportunity to share his faith and journey to discerning the word of God. Holy Smokes – sure appeared to me the Holy Spirit had set this even up. It was uplifting! In fact I would say both the young man and the veteran inmate were lifting each other up as words and explanations were exchanged.

to be continued …….